Doctors Make the Worst Patients
by Lalenapeike
Summary: Timelords do not get sick. They absolutely positively do not get sick. Until they do and won't admit to it. River plays nursemaid to a very unwilling Doctor when he comes down with a cold. Set after The Curse of the Black Spot. River/11 ficlet.


"Oh Doctor," River smiles seductively and steps closer to him. "I've something important to tell you." He'd been ignoring her since the moment she'd stepped on board earlier that day.

"What, River?" The Doctor looks uncomfortable and backs into the console. "Ouch" He rubs his back.

"Your nose is running sweetie." River reaches forward and grabs the red handkerchief out of his pocket and dangles it in front of his face.

"Oh, right." He flushes brick red and sniffles, rubbing the square roughly across his nose. He goes back to fiddling with the TARDIS. "Must be dusty in here or else the air is drier than usual."

"Of course sweetie." River shakes her head bemusedly. She walks over to Amy and Rory who were standing on the other side of the room. "How long has he been like this?" She lowers her voice, trying to avoid drawing attention from the Doctor. The man in question is now sniffling heavily, trying to be quiet about it, but failing.

"We were on a pirate ship a couple days ago. So I guess that's when it started," begins Rory haltingly.

His wife jumps in, "Yes, but you were drowned stupid face. You didn't see anything!" Rory sighs. "_Then _we were on the alien ship medical ship and he stuck his hand in alien bogies." She grimaces, "And then wiped it on my jacket!"

"Lovely," Rory wrinkles his nose. "Well at any rate he's been sniffling and sneezing off and on since yesterday. And of course pretending nothing's wrong."

"Bless," River shakes her head fondly. A muffled set of sneezes sounds over her shoulder. "And Bless again I suppose. Oh sweetie, what would you do without me?" When she'd turned up earlier that day she could tell something was up. The Doctor had just seemed off. He'd been less energetic than usual and kept disappearing into other rooms. As he didn't seem that sick yet and he wouldn't admit to being sick unless forced, she gives him some space for now.

Later he takes them to the tropical beaches on Florana. Amy and Rory are chasing each other through the sparkling shallow waters. River smiles fondly at the sight of them. She herself is floating on her back in the water, supported by the aqua bubbles that floated up from the bottom of the ocean. It feels rather like being inside a giant champagne bottle, she decides. She can't entirely enjoy herself though. River's eyes continue to dart back to her ailing husband-to-be (not that he's aware of that particular spoiler yet). He's been appearing to put up a good front, but he is clearly becoming quite sick. He has brought along an assortment of handkerchiefs that he had secreted in various pockets of his jacket that now hangs over a folding chair that he is now dozing in. He'd claimed to want to enjoy the sunshine for a bit and ushered the others off to the water. The poor dear is now snoring loudly, his nose now almost completely stopped up. As she climbs out of the water to check on him, he wakes with a start and promptly starts coughing. River fumbles for the water she'd packed and hands it to him. "Drink it Doctor," she tells him forcefully. He gulps down a few sips. "_All_ of it!" He finishes the cup after glaring at her.

"How was the water?" He looks paler than usual as he hurries to change the topic.

"Lovely as always dear." She smiles wickedly at him, "Now are you finally going to admit that you're ill sweetie?"

"What? I am a Timelord and as a Timelord – well there is no possibility that – We do not get sick!" He answers vehemently, shaking a finger in her face.

She retorts quickly, mocking his stuffy tone. "Oh, I see sweetie. So just how long have you been 'dot sick' for?" He narrows his eyes, cheeks becoming more and more flushed. "Doctor, blow your nose. I can hardly understand you."

He grabs for one of his handkerchiefs honking his nose loudly. "I don't know what you're talking ab…abou…" His voice trails off as his breath begins to hitch, before he doubles over in a violent sneeze. He opens his mouth to try protesting again, before sneezing harshly five more times in quick succession.

"Bless you Doctor," River says quietly when he's finished attempting to regain his dignity.

His poor nose looks like a cherry at this point and it's still twitching slightly as he rubs it in irritation. Finally he sighs, "Alright…fine. Maybe I am a _tad_ under the weather. It's nothing though. I am _hardly_ dying or anything like that. Will you stop looking at me like that River!"

She puts a hand to his forehead. "Oh sweetie, you are _burning_ up. Will you please come inside the TARDIS and lie down for a bit?" He looks hesitantly at her, likely weighing how sick he felt with the choice of giving into River Song. "Please Doctor," she adds softly, rubbing his shoulder. He sniffles wetly and at last nods. She grabs his hand and pulls him to his feet.

Once inside she sits him down at a table and hands him soup she made earlier that morning. He takes one sip and spits it out again. He makes a face, sticking out his tongue, "I don't like this one."

River sighs. He was such a child when he was sick. "Fine sweetie." She fetches him the back-up soup. "Better?" She lifts an eyebrow at him.

He snorts and rolls his eyes before stifling another sneeze into the handkerchief, a blue one this time. "I suppose it'll do."

"You are definitely Mr. Grumpy Pants today, aren't you Doctor?" Amy's voice echoes suddenly through the room.

"More like Mr. Sneezy Pants," River mutters under her breath.

"I hate you both," the Doctor grumbles.

"No you don't," River shoots back. "Finish your damn soup!"

Once he's done and she has cleaned up after him, River shepherds an increasingly sleepy Doctor back to his seldom-used bedroom. He stumbles along behind her, sniffling pathetically, until she grabs his arm, pulling him along gently. "Come along sweetie," she says softly. She leads him into the room, and then pulls off the jacket he had inexplicably put back on while he was eating. "Doctor, you need to rest. Sit down on the bed honey." He pulls the white t-shirt over his head and slips his sandals from his feet. He suddenly looks down at his swim shorts, before looking back at River. She chuckles, "You can keep those on for now Doctor. You didn't swim in them anyways." He lays down, resting his head on the pillow, exhaling in relief. River pulls the blanket over him and leans down, her curls brushing his cheek. She places a feather-light kiss on his hot forehead. "Feel better sweetie."

His eyes flutter open slightly. "Thank you River," he whispers. She smiles lovingly and tucks another blanket around the sleepy Timelord. She turns to leave the room, switching off the lights as she quietly walks out. The Doctor is asleep before the door closes.


End file.
